she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
