Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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