i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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