I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
