Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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