These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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