My friends, they love my intelligence
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
