I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
