I just pynch a tree in the face
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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