I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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