Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
