is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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