I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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