Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
