Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
