nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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