benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
