i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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