Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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