remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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