I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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