I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
