Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
