i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
