I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
