It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
