Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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