I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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