I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
