He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
