there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
