I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize