My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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