I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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