Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
