I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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