Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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