I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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