dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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