if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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