I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
