Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
