Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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