My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
