Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
