Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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