I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
