Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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