It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
