mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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