Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
