The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
