mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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