He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
