Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
