the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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