Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
