so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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