it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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