Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
