I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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