since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
