Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My cat gives me a boner
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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