just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
