Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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