so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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