I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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