i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
