Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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