You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
