so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
